Recovery From Being Conflict Avoidant

Through a better understanding of conflict avoidance, we can become more comfortable with interpersonal conflict resolution at work and in our personal lives. Unfortunately, this personality type may be unable to manage a confrontation. They may appear shocked, enraged, and unconsciously distort the data in order to point the finger back at the other person.

How to Approach Relationships with High-Conflict Personalities

Yet, withholding emotions for an extended period of time takes a toll. Growth always involves change, and even positive changes often involve some level of tension and discomfort. To choose to avoid conflict is to choose personal stagnation – the opposite of growth. Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your moment-to-moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately, is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflict.

Are You Killing Your Career By Avoiding Conflict? – Forbes

Are You Killing Your Career By Avoiding Conflict?.

Posted: Sat, 08 Sep 2018 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Why Most People Avoid Conflict… and Why You Shouldn’t

Instead of yelling at your partner that they don’t love you any more or that they are a bad person for not spending more time with you, focus on how you are feeling. A 2018 study revealed that direct confrontation for severe problems is most beneficial for couples in relationships where both partners are able to change. A 2011 research study found that high conflict avoidance in a relationship will likely cause relationship dissatisfaction for women, but not necessarily for men. How you manage conflict in a relationship can impact family dynamics, happiness levels, and even your physical and mental well-being.

Understand Avoidance Coping

a person who avoids conflict

If you aren’t sure where to begin, seeing a mental health counselor or a couples counselor for support may be best. It’s never too late in life to learn how to develop healthier communication skills and address conflict. There are many reasons you may be engaging in conflict avoidant behavior in your relationship.

a person who avoids conflict

Rather, we continue to feel stressed about it until it gets done. A trusted friend or counselor might help you view the conflict more fully and determine the best way to manage it. You might also consider asking a third party, such as your boss, to help mediate the dispute, or consider formal mediation.

  • As Feelers, they are going to come into any confrontation with a wealth of feelings.
  • I inadvertently learned that a successful relationship (they were married 54 years when my dad died) meant that you didn’t argue at all!
  • If you find yourself using avoidance coping, look for opportunities to replace these behaviors with active coping strategies.
  • Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone.
  • A person may be conflict-avoidant because of past experiences with an individual who wasn’t secure enough to handle confrontation productively.

INFPs have a head full of possibilities, and are often too concerned with the future to invest a lot of energy into disagreements. Because they are unconventional and nonjudgmental about the paths of others, they don’t see anything to be upset about. If a confrontation is brewing, the ISFJ will become distressed, downplay the issue, change the subject, clamp down and build a wall of silence, or simply leave the building.

  • The dilemma is that our internal conflict, which is now building, may lead us full circle back into unleashing our own need for conflict.
  • “Avoiding conflict can compromise our resilience, mental health, and productivity in the long term,” writes Andrew Reiner for NBC News.
  • “Not wanting to upset others is a common driver of conflict avoidance,” says Sherese Ezelle, L.M.H.C., a licensed behavioral therapist at One Medical.
  • In this case, it may be easier to diplomatically insert distance into the relationship.

Discovering the source of your fears surrounding confrontation can be a good place to begin overcoming the issue. When you become comfortable being uncomfortable, you will be better able to deal with your feelings and the stressors that cause them. When you can sit with these hard feelings, you’ll have more choices about how you want to face the problem because you won’t how to deal with someone who avoids conflict have a knee-jerk avoidance response. Stress relief techniques can also enhance your confidence and belief in your ability to handle any challenges that you face. Getting positive reinforcement and lowered stress will encourage you to let go of your unhealthy avoidance coping habit. Some forms of passive coping, however, are not maladaptive and are actually healthy.

You’re Laid Back

  • There can be legitimate reasons for avoiding conflict, such as the need to break off an abusive relationship.
  • Reserved and thoughtful, these personalities have a knack for diffusing tension, arbitration, and encouraging cooperation.
  • If something that we have to do stressing us out, we might avoid doing it or even try to stop thinking about it.
  • If they insist on extracting more information from you, ask them to please respect your preference and see if you can come to a time agreement.
  • Meanwhile, your anxiety and the other person’s anxiety are diffused.

This people-pleasing behavior can also make it difficult to set and maintain boundaries. Aside from our work life, avoiding conflict can manifest in our romantic relationships, friendships, and even family dynamics. It is also probable that a person may have been raised by a parent who had trouble with confrontation, accountability, and self-awareness. Thus, during childhood, the person learned to stifle feelings and discontent within the parent-child relationship because verbalizing feelings that differed from the parent made life worse for the child. Often the attachment relationship with a parent dictates how safe the person feels disclosing discontent in a current relationship. This may be an important aspect of the person’s working model of attachment.

How confrontation can help a relationship